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Holding space for me

I use to worry about what others thought of me, trying to fit in with the “cool kids”. I was loud in volume, bright in colour for the way I dressed and opinionated from a place of love. Many people have misinterpreted me over the years, seeing me as loud an extroverted. Ahhh don’t be fooled people that’s a facade. Extroverted and sarcastic to cover up nervousness, anxiety and lack of confidence.

I went to parties cos it was the “cool” thing to do

I dressed to fit in

I gossiped like the mean girls

All because I thought it was cool

But there was a point where I became so sick of this toxic environment that I distanced myself and eventually walked away. I’m sure you all have been there right? Maybe you haven’t. Maybe you found yourself years ago and have been living true to you for many years now and I applaud you for that.

You’ve all know that group of “”mean girls” “cool kids” that you sit on the outer, trying to fit in but deep down you know it’s not you nor is it who you want to be. I’ll never go so far to say I was Lindsay Lohan [ha] cos I definitely didn’t make anyone get fat with a muesli bar, nor did I create a “hate book” but what I did was use my lack of disdain to help me grow, work on myself to be a better person and become more self aware and kind.

It’s funny how life comes in full circle and you sit back laughing at how ridiculous this all is, years later. I moved on, but they didn’t. They’re still sitting round on a Friday night drinking and gossiping about all of their so called “friends”, sabotaging friendships, toxic behaviour and thinking that life is grand.

Why am I sharing this you’re probably asking. It’s been part of my healing to write, share and journal as I’ve taken this journey to find myself.

I’m sharing to help you

Help others see that it’s never too late

You can always work on yourself

Walk away from toxic friendships

Most importantly I’m sharing to help ME

Help me heal.

Pretty sure that you’ve experienced something similar, or know someone that has. It’s hard when you’re living it. Maybe you’re scared you’ll have no friends, maybe it’s a family member, maybe your husbands are mates so you don’t want to rock the boat. But, and it’s a big BUT. Let me tell you it’s the most liberating feeling, being able to confidently walk away and no longer enter this fake world of toxic friendships and allow yourself to just be yourself.

I’ve come to learn that I’m my best self when I’m me, when I’m free, when I’m around good people and when my mental space is at its best. I’m not going to apologise for who I was or things I’ve done or said cos they’ve brought me to where I am now, and show me who I don’t want to be.

It’s taken me a long time to just be, to be freely me, without the worry of others, so here’s to an amazing year in 2021 full of gratitude, growth and authentically being ME.

Much luv, Kara

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